Dear younger self,

Dear Younger Self,
Would you forgive me
if I don’t achieve much?
Would you be okay
if every now & then
I feel stuck in a rut?
I don’t know why it happened
but now only certain people
sparkle my soul.
And the things you thought
would make me happy,
I now know
would never make me whole.
I’ve become less of a human
and more of a being.
No wonder that
every dream is dissolving,
even the ones
which I obsessed over as a teen.
There are days when uncertainty & I
spend hours in each other’s presence.
And in this era of hustling & grinding,
I’ve lost & found my true essence.
Dear Younger Self,
I’m afraid, but there are
no plans for tomorrow
for today is what
I’m learning to acknowledge.
And so, the drudgery
feels like a thing of the past
just like those
inebriated nights back in college.
I swear I try,
though it might seem otherwise.
Just learning to let things be,
to refrain from that nocturnal reprise.
I’m not running away from fears
neither am I
flying towards whimsical fantasies.
I’ve just taken an indefinite pause
to get comfortable
with my own reality.
There is an absence of pursuit
and what could be better
than this feeling of bliss.
The ones who had acted all
selfish & bitter
have now been forgiven
but forever dismissed.
Dear Younger Self,
I’m not living a life
or looking for love
rather - I’m life & I’m love.
So, there’s nothing to add
since what was forced, never stayed.
But, it somehow feels enough
of what little which has now remained.
Dear Younger Self,
I hope you haven’t judged me
for that I’ve done enough already.
And, if you still haven’t
deciphered my words,
then all I’m trying to convey is that -
I want to be you again
and finally feel ready.