Updated: Jan 2, 2019
You scrunch up your nose whenever I refer to you as ‘my love’ and I think you want to laugh, you want laugh on my face but you’re too sweet for that, but when you are safely tucked into the comfort of your bed you probably let that laugh escape your mouth like the inevitable spilling from a glass brimming over with wine. When I kiss you, I probably don’t sweep you off of your feet and your world doesn’t spin round and round but you certainly forget about it for a moment and focus on satisfying me so that you can complain about my poor kissing skills after. Maybe this is the only reason you kiss me. You spill your coffee on your white t-shirt and never wash it, instead you buy a new one and I wonder if that’s what’s going to happen to me someday. But I never see you with any other guy, and you listen to me intently when I tell you about how art is subjective and what book I’m obsessed with these days; On days when the alcohol is less and the spark of your eyes more, you even tell me about your favourite writer, about the stars the galaxies and all I can think in that moment is how you would look wearing them. You never look me in the eye when we’re loving but your touch is electric. My theory is that all the emotions running in your veins contained and numbed with the bones of destruction leaks from your fingertips ready to explode. So, I wait for the day when the aftertaste of kissing me is not regret, shame and numbness but love and want, I wait for the day when the result of our lovemaking is not the numbing of your emotions but our lovemaking is the result of your emotions evoked. We sit at the edge of the terrace looking down at the world, the world’s moving and running without any care for those two pair of legs dangling above them. You took the empty cup with you as if you wanted the air to smell of anything but me, be it alcohol. The sound of music follows us just like our shadows, sceptical to leave us alone. You look at me and I swear for a moment I see that faint spark in your eyes when you tell me you love me. And then you laugh, you laugh straight at my face. And you never kiss me again.