Shrouded thoughts

Picture by Arushi Rawat

In this year of deep breaths,

more often than not,

the wheels of my mind

don't know whether to move clockwise or anti,

I thought I'd spare you the trouble

of being beside me on a day like that,

when being next to me

will feel like a constant tug of war between choosing the right words and staying silent,

a shroud of uncertainty surrounding the rays of the sun coming through the curtains,

shapes of clouds attempting to fill the empty spaces between my thoughts,

forever is a long time and my dreams grow tired easily,

but there's a calm demeanour surrounding us,

for you see, I'm still learning how to cope,

despite the fact that now I'm scared beside myself to want anything at all,

to unlearn how to dream,

but I'll learn how to cope,

and so I thought I'd spare you the trouble

of being beside me on a day like that,

where my real self is probably miles away,

even she choosing to walk away for a bit,

instead, you choose to stay,

to stay and attempt to declutter and

on such days,

the knowledge sinks in of how even worst of me is acceptable to the right people,

that I fell in love with someone

who was kinder to me than I was to myself.